Shar-On Copyright 2004
I was recently pondering about why the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
No one understands us;
I decided to search for some imformation online like one always does when doing a school project.
Equipped with all my research skills i learned from my teachers in school, i got myself jaw dropping results.
Take a look at what i found.
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The United States spent $200,000.00 and two years studying why the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft. After two years the researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft simply for a mans pleasure.
The Germans did not think the Americans conducted an accurate study so they did the same study except they spent $300,000.00 and three years. After three years they determined that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft simply for the pleasure of women.
Now the Polish did not believe that the Germans or the Americans had any clue as to what they were studying. So the Polish did a study of their own and spent $400.00 and four weeks and concluded that the head of a man's penis was there so his hand would not slip off and hit him in the forehead.
After reading these, i conclude that all three countries are stupid to spent money on research on the penis as they could have simply ask me for what i think. Another things i found out is that u can actually learn something from school!
what makes eu think eu could?
|8:36 PM|
When I was younger, someone posted this question to me.
No one understands us;
She asked, "Randy, what do you think is the most beautiful thing on Earth?"
At that point of time, I realised that I cannot give her my answer because there are so many different beautiful things, such as the sea, such as the rainbow, etc. I can't make up my mind.
I asked many people this question, and the most common answers are invariably the sea and the sky.
WHY! Blue stuff are ugly. I hate blue.
I asked my mum and she said its diamonds.
One guy gave me a sweet answer: "Women."
June said its herself.
I'm kidding.
But anyway, as I get older, I realised what my answer would be.
It is an orgasm.
An orgasm is so beautiful because of so many reasons. It is the most powerful (or maybe sensational) form of love, it is also mostly rare for women (Bloody selfish men!), and it is one thing that has almost no bad side effects! Most of the time it is free too.
Orgasms fill people with endorphins. Endorphins make people happy.
See, when you are happy, you make everybody around you happier too, except your enemies, but of course seeing your enemies seething that u are happy will makes you happy as well, so you get even happier and ur enemies get angrier and the nice cycle goes on.
When you are happy you laugh alot and suddenly everything seems more beautiful. The world is disease-free! Dolphins are playing, the grass is green on every side, and daffodils are blossoming everywhere! What a wonderful world!
When you are filled with endorphins, people of the opposite sex are attracted to you because of the scent you emit. This is scientifically proven. So when people of the opposite sex are attracted to you, you get praises. Praises make you more confident. When you are confident you can attract more people.
An orgasm also helps you lose some fats. Now thats cool too because you will look better, unless you don't have any fats to minus from, but I don't talk to skinny people so thats their business.
Orgasms are also a form of exercise. Exercise makes you radiant and healthy. Healthy and radiant people get more suiters. Orgasms also prevent cancer and acne. Yeah right. No it doesn't.
But then... you have a truckload of people to choose from, and you pick the best, in which hopefully you can get more (and more and more! and better! longer-lasting!) orgasms from.
The "best" chosen person continues to be attracted, and he also feels that u are terrific because there are so many other people attracted to you so he must be so lucky. He doesn't know its because of him that so many people like you of course.
Lets see on the other hand how things will be without orgasms.
People can smell desperate-ness from a mile away. When u portray yourself to be desperate, you don't get sex. No sex=no orgasms. Then you become more desperate. Then it can be smelt from 2 miles away. Desperation=no sex. Then you get frantic. = no sex. Then you finally die. Life is not worth living.
In conclusion, an orgasm in the most beautiful thing on earth.
You may disagree, but thats your business. You need more orgasms to prove me correct.
If only I could bottle and sell orgasms, I would make millions!! How much will an average person pay for a mind-blowing thigh-throbbing spasm-inducing Endorphin Rush? $50? Depends on how long it lasts?
Imagine this! In the future, at the bus stop no one smokes anymore. They all do Randy's big Os. Randy's Big Os has no evil side effects while smoking causes lung cancer. Smoking makes your teeth yellow. Randy's make you look beautiful and attractive.
People mix Randy's with some other chemicals and it becomes an Orgasm so strong its made illegal. Thats known as drugs. No one takes heroin anymore.
Most unfortunately no one will have sex anymore, but the world is facing doomsday soon isn't it? Or maybe I can sell the Big Os in Small Os form, so people still have sex for the real thing.
Now the problem is how do I manufacture orgasms?
what makes eu think eu could?
|9:21 PM|
What is it about height anyway? I dun see why that is a plus point at all. Sure, it helps u take stuff from high selves. Sure, the air u breathe is fresher. But as I have once said before, aesthetics is all about proportion, not height.
No one understands us;
Perhaps u guys forgot the cavemen story on how height became an important factor for beauty nowadays. Maybe I shld reillustrate it?
Indeed, I shall. For those of u who read it before, please read it again coz obviously u didn't fucking get my point.
Once upon a time very very long ago, the earth was only populated by Cavepeople and perhaps some sabertooth tigers. The Cavepeople were divided into groups by their height, coz the taller ones are usually the stronger and more successful. The tall cavepeople are leaders because it is more possible for them to find food as they are the ones who can reach higher up the trees for fruits, and go deeper into the rivers to catch fish.
Not unexpectedly, they run faster too (longer legs, longer strides), thus they dun often get killed by the said sabertooth tigers.
The leaders of the pack, aka the Tall Cavepeople, decided one day that Tall is good, Tall is beautiful, Tall is everything nice.
Being tall cavemen, they wanted tall cavewomen too, so that the cavewomen dun look so stubbed (I dun think there is such a word, but heck.) standing beside them. Besides this, tall cavewomen cannot claim that they are too short to wash clothes in the river without being washed away. This point, the tall cavemen liked!
So they started to make Tall Cavebabies by only letting the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewomen have sex. And boy did they have sex! They fuck and fucked all day long in the day, mating and mating.
Slowly, the Short Cavepeople foresaw what is going to happen to them. You see, God was fair and mighty in those days, and he made the short cavepeople smarter instead of taller and stronger. The Short cavepeople knew that with more Tall Cavepeople, they would be kicked out of the gang to become outcasts pretty soon, and be bullied more.
The Short Cavepeople were totally against the idea of the fruit of Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman in labour.
And they were short. So they can't do much about it, except whine the whole day and give the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman a kick whenever they passed by that eventful cave. Not that the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman noticed of course.
The Average-height Cavepeople were pissed with all the pandemonium. In fact, they were pissed with almost everything. They were the only type of people God seems to be unfair to. God gave them half brains and half height.
In fact, the Average-height Cavepeople were so pissed with the constant moaning of the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman, and the constant whining of the Short Cavepeople, that they can�t take it any longer. They took out a parang (a kinda knife their kind invented) and slaugthered the shit outta Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman.
It may be interesting to note that Tallest Cavewoman was killed exactly when she got her first orgasm, also marking the first pre-historic orgasm ever (She was 13 and stood at 1.87m) in the records of history. From then on people concluded that girls like excitements such as being threatened with a parang while having sex and therefore came bondage and sado-masochism.
Anyway, we can imagine the aftermath of the bloodshed. The tall cavepeople were very angry with the Average-height Cavepeople for the unreasonable killings of the Tallest of their kind. They decided they shall tolerate no more of such nonsense, and with a huff, they took the pre-historic heels they made for their then-still-not-that-tall cavewomen and left the place.
Without the Tall Cavepeople�s help to catch food, the rest suffered significant losses in their meals. Secretly the smart Short Cavepeople were inventing fishing rods and arrows and spears for easier gaming, and they once tried to teach the Average-height Cavepeople how to use those things, but they were just to dumb to learn.
Instead, the average-height Cavepeople decided that it was the Short Cavepeople�s fault for whining in the first place, and started to beat the Short Cavepeople up whenever they can. The Short Cavepeople, being kind-hearted fellows actually, started to decided it IS their fault that the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman got killed.
With the beatings and the guilt, they could take it no more and migrated in an opposite direction to the Tall Cavepeople.
The Average height Cavepeople were in a loss. Now, they were lazy bastards and were very happy with the Short Cavepeople�s catches but now that both the Tall and Short were gone, they had no food.
So they secretly followed the Short Cavepeople, and stopped a few hundred of kilometres away from them, coz they discovered that their country has a few nice islands.
A few earthquakes which split the earth and a few billions years later, the Tall Cavepeople found themselves in Paris, and that�s why the supermodels all got �great height�. The phrase �looks like a model� was actually a shortened form of �Looks like a living model of the Tallest Cavewoman�.
The Short Cavepeople, now having evolved into wimpy people not willing to voice any opinions (and not to mention, short), were actually there before Sang Nila Utama came to our sunny island, called Singapore.
The barbaric Average-height Cavepeople, being stupid, can only watch from a distance the success of the Short community (of course they will succeed coz they are smart) with a very sore eye.
They, up to this day, still bully the Short community because the Short community is tolerant and good-natured. One day, we will reach up to our limits and fire all the �Average height� workers working in our country. We see how they will survive!
Alright! So now u know why height is seen as being important in our society. However, nobody stopped to think that ladders have render tree climbing useless.
Boats have rendered deep river fishing useless.
Cars have rendered escaping from wild animals useless, not to mention that the Sabertooth tiger is extinct.
So height has no use whatsoever nowadays. It is just and age-old tradition that tall is good. Yes, tall men look stronger, thus it is undeniable that they look better.
But tall women? There is no need to look strong at all for women. I personally think that long legs will get entangled in bed, so short women are better sex partners.
I shall make it clear. In my blog, any comment saying tall is good or shu nu is good or anything I once wrote is bad is good, shall be deleted without pity. My blog is an Anti height, anti shu nu blog so sod off.
Tall is good, but short is better. Now learn to say �Wow, she is so short!� in the same breath as �Wow, she is so tall!� and dun be one of those stupid people so influenced by society�s view. Afterall, short people tend to live longer. Look at those Japanese.
-I can hear u short people cheering-
what makes eu think eu could?
|1:32 AM|
One upon a time there was this woman who looked like Cher. She may have once been beautiful, who knows? But now, she just looks scary beyond all reason.
No one understands us;
So anyway, 17 years ago this woman had sex with an albino, and after that, she got a baby daughter who looks really pretty, and her face was white as snow, her hair a jet black, and her lips red as blood. The proud mother called her Snow White.
The albino daddy of Snow White decided to turn gay, so the mother brought her baby daughter to the local pub where she could drown all her sorrows. Alas, she got drunk again, but this time, the one night stand turned out to be a Prince! The desperate Prince was forced by his dying mum to marry a fat and ugly princess from the next country before he could be King, so he decided to marry Snow White's mum instead, faking his mum that Snow White was his daughter but he was just afraid to acknowledge her a year ago.
The Prince's mother died and the Prince was made King, making Snow White a princess.
Now there's a problem. As the Queen got older and more wrinkled, the King seems to eye beautiful Snow White more and more. One day, the Queen saw the King touch Snow White's hands lustily!
"AHEM!"
The King and Snow White jumped apart.
"My King, it has been long since you gave me a gift.... I want a servant who can tell me how beautiful I am everyday, because apparently my daugther is getting more attractive than me, isn't she?!! HUH?!"
The King gave a loud grunt and heck cared the Queen, so the angry Queen smacked the King on the head with a piece of Char Siew.
"Oww~! That fucking hurts! What was that for? And where did that piece of thing come from?!"
"Its for ignoring me, you bastard! And its apparently called a Char Siew, this thing. Someone mailed it to me. I find no use for it except to whack you."
"Whatever. You are a wrinkled as Lee Kwan Yew."
"Who is that?!"
"Some Chinese man which our prophet says will be the most wrinkled man on Earth in future."
Our prophet always talks bullshit! Ask him to predict the next war and he will say something like, 'Do-do birds will be extinct.' Wtf? Do-do birds will never be extinct, they are everywhere! What an idiotic prophet we have!"
The King took advantage of the situation, grabbed the Char Siew, and smacked the Queen on the head.
"Go get urself that magic mirror in my room and stop yakking and yakking! Leave me alone with Snow White!"
"I thought you loved that mirror?", the Queen asked.
"It used to tell me my dick is the longest in the world but now it refuses to look at it since I tried to shove it into its mouth."
"YOU WHAT? DISGUSTING BASTARD!"
"I am King. I do whatever I want."
So anyway, the Queen got hold of the mirror.
"Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me, whos the fairest of them all?"
The guy in the mirror woke up, and said, "Michael Jackson after his bleaching? No. Actually, Snow White. Duh. Did you even for a moment think it was you? You are scary beyond all reason! Anyway, wait till you hear what that husband of yours did to me!"
The Queen gave the mirror no chance to do that. She whacked it with the piece of Char siew and it smashed into a million pieces.
"Lai ren ah!", she screamed. "Kill Snow White for me! "
Luckily for Snow White, she was hiding behind the door when all these happened.
She ran to the well, and started to sing about how some day her prince will come.
Walking idly, she arrived at this little hut. Being the rude and ill-mannered princess she is, she walked into the hut without knocking, and saw 7 little dwarves watching soccer in underwear. One of them was reading a porn magazine.
You think Liang Po Po is the ugliest thing since evolution, but you have no idea. A dwarf in underwear is infinitely worse. Snow White screamed in horror.
But too bad for Snow White. A scream is the last thing she should have done, because it immediately idenifies her as a lady and what would seven ugly men living alone want?
A maid of course.
The dwarves shoved Snow White into the room, and started to get her to clean up the house, while they continued drinking ale while watching soccer.
With this, Snow White lived for a few months. She particularly hated Sneezy the dwarf coz he always throws his used tissues around. Snow White was held prisoner because she was too dumb to unlock the door.
In case you are wondering why the dwarves are not sexually interested in Snow White, it is because Snow White is too big for them. In physical size.
So anyway, one day the dwarf called Grumpy decided to let Snow White have an apple and take a rest, coz Snow White cleaned his room particularly well that day. What he doesn't know is that Snow White hates him and have put chilli powder into his underwear, but I guess what he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him.
Snow White took a bite and decided to act like she died. She somehow had this feeling that this would get her out of the house. She also read in several story books that a kiss from a prince will revive the dead, and it seems that princes only like to kiss dead girls? So she will pretend to be dead and come to life when a prince kisses her! She tried not to think how disgusting it is if it were the dwarves to kissed her instead.
And what if it was Lee Kwan Yew who kissed her? Oh no! But she will have to take chances.
The dwarves found Snow White dead and shoved her into the forest to rot, and got on with their lives.
Snow White laid on the ground, sobbing in her heart, as the forest is a dreadful place and she feels really sorry for herself that she has to live her life this way. Where should she go? She can't even go home, her mum will (literally) kill her! And she didn't dare open her eyes, she was scared the dwarves would still be there; scared of what she will see...
Suddenly, she heard steps of a horse and a man... Not light steps like those of the dwarves... Steps of a real man... And the air was filled with the sensual smell of Davidoff purfume... Ah... What arousal...
Snow White knew there was hope. It must be her Prince!! She prayed and prayed that her cleavage can be seen... and that her hair covered that stupid pimple she just got.
The Prince bent down, and gave Snow White a deep, tongue wrestling, lip-locking kiss, which took away Snow White's breath and melted her heart. She could feel his sharp nose and chiselled face against hers, and his luscious lips; they are oh, so soft....
Snow White fluttered her long dark eyelashes open, to see a hunky, dark-haired man with dark brown curls looking at her lovingly...
"Oh, you must be my prince!", Snow White exclaimed.
"Yes.... You are beautiful, my Princess...."
"Are u gonna marry me?"
"Yes, my dear..."
"Do you gamble, drink excessively, and watch soccer all the time?"
"No, no, and no..."
"Will you promise to only love me and never have sex with other women, men, or animals?"
"Children?"
"Children as well. And dead people."
"Oh, alright. I suppose you are pretty enough for me to promise that."
"Are you rich?"
"Yes. I am a millionaire."
"Do you have a eight inch number and can last more than 15 minutes?"
"Its 9 and a half to be exact. And I can last for 2 hours."
"Oh my God you are perfect!"
"And I love you, my princess... There... You must be tired.. Let me ride you on horseback to my castle..."
"Yes, yes my Prince..."
With that, Snow White travelled for 3 days on the Prince's horse.
She arrived at a construction site.
"Oh, the castle is still building?", she queried.
"Uhmmmm...", the Prince mumbled.
"Actually I've got something to tell you. My name is Joe Millionaire."
Snow White vomitted blood and died on the spot, this time for real.
what makes eu think eu could?
|8:03 PM|
LOL... Looking for virgins?? *Waves hands madly around* ME me me me me me me!!!!! Me virgin!
No one understands us;
Who, for a moment, believed that? Haha!
Mr Jackie Cheng, once he starts having sex at the age of 34, would slap himself for missing out all the sex in his life for the past 14 years or so. But I bet he has a very small penis and until the girl is bound to him for life (aka marriage), he would not risk losing the relationship by showing her his inferior member.
I wanna join the Virgin Day thingy. Just to see how they check whether I am one. But on second thoughts... It would be full of ugly people, so no.
Says Mrs Koh-Hoe, 29: 'Our message is this: If I have pre-marital sex, I am not a person of good character. In fact, any sex outside of marriage is immoral whatever the age of the person.'
Siao, how is premarital sex affecting good character? What she said is flawed and totally unfounded. And where is the immorality?
I am pro pre-marital sex.
Several reasons.
1) Before u marry a person, you have to see if the fella fulfilled several criteria. For example, if you cannot accept smokers, you have to know whether your partner is a smoker before marrying the person. It is the same for sex. What if both partners have very different sex tastes, like one likes SM and the other loves slow romantic sex with candles, but not dripped on the body?
Do they change for one another? And if both refuse to change? Do they find others for sexual pleasures? I say, have pre-marital sex first.
2) You don't wanna be shocked to death when, after marriage, you realise that ur partner has ass hair or something which is totally grosteque.
If you argue that no premarital sex doesn't mean no petting, well, whats the difference between heavy petting and sex? Not much. I say, have pre-marital sex.
3) More practice = you can give the best to your future partner.
4) Are u willing to die not knowing how much better sex can get if you do it with another person? (presuming that there are no extra-marital affairs after marriage)
Premarital sex will make the world a better place.
-Only ugly people say they disapprove of pre-marital sex.-
what makes eu think eu could?
|8:53 PM|
Why are some people so crazy over all dogs? Mere animals. Brains hardly more impressive than the average retard. THEY ARE BUT DOGS! I can understand that some dogs are very cute and all, but not ALL dogs are right? Then why are some people so crazy over dogs?
No one understands us;
Actors and actresses and especially mad over dogs. I don't understand them. Is it because it is very lonely to be acting, and therefore dogs are trusty pals? Is it because everyone in the media world are cunning and unscrupulous, therefore dogs are in contrast innocuous and nice?
Mad. Certain artiste, whom I shall not name, went mad over a dog and interestingly was all snobbish around the humans present.
Excuse me Miss/Mr Uppity, but what makes the dog more worthy to talk to you than the average human being? So you are an acting extraodinaire, in a different class from the peasants around you, but the same class as that dog (not even a poodle/chihuahua. A normal dog)? Makes sense.
Dogs are just animals. I don't see people going crazy over cockroaches, so why should they over dogs (cuteness is subjective)? URGH! Very angry. STOP IT YOU DISGUSTING FOOLS! Stop pretending to be a dog lover! You are just trying to act rich and kind I don't know what and I think I am rattling on uuuuuurgh. You know the kinda image of a typical dog lover? Benevolent and wealthy? I think people want to achieve that kinda image when they act like goddamn animal lovers.
[I accept that there are sincere dog-lovers, i.e. the King of Thailand with 100+ stray dogs in his palace, but I refuse to believe that ALL actors and actresses are genuine dog-lovers.]
I don't like it when people come to my place and act so friendly with Cloudy, just because he is a dog. I mean, c'mon. What makes you think Cloudy likes you? Cloudy is only friendly because he thinks you might have food for him!
what makes eu think eu could?
|7:28 PM|
Alrighty. People have been bugging me all day long to blog, so here is a fucking long entry, and don't complain!
No one understands us;
*****
I can't believe it.
Just when you think that the human population cannot get any dumber, you get an unpleasant surprise. Tadah! I just realised the only thing that doesnt have a cap on it is human stupidity. The Chinese say that there is always a "higher mountain". Thats rubbish coz its Everest. But there is no "most stupid". Each day it breaks a new record.
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I don't get it man. Why do they ban durians on the MRT?
Lets boil it down to a few possible reasons.
1) Durians are green and green is a disgusting colour.
But they don't ban potted plants so that cannot be the reason.
2) Durians are spiky and they might, if dropped or thrown, cause grievous harm.
Yeah but they don't ban spiky potted plants (i.e a giant cactus) so that cannot be the reason too.
3) Durians are plain ugly and that's gross.
Yeah but Bon Jovi must have used public transport before he got a car?
4) Durians might have worms in them.
What wrong with a few worms?
5) Of course we know the real reason. Durians stink.
But that's bullshit! I don't think they stink! They RULE! The durian is a good fruit coz it causes nosebleeds if you eat too much of it, and nosebleeds rule.
What can be cooler than having blood stream out of your nostrils (like in the movies!) and having everyone fuss over that as if you just had a minor heart attack? And then you act cool and go like "Oh its really ok! I'm ok! Its just a pint of blood! I can lose that... Nothing important!"
Alright, assuming that Durians really stink, which they don't, shouldn't the gahment, by the same logic, ban smelly people?
Heres to stupid people:
Durian stink. Durian banned.
Smelly ah peh stink. Smelly ah peh _____. (fill in the blank)
I mean, I would rather take the MRT with a Durian than with a smelly Ah Peh. The ah peh may rape you. The durian wouldn't (don't even think about it). The ah peh might have a ring worm. The durian might just have worms. You can eat the Durian if you are hungry. If you eat the ah peh you will be jailed for... hey wait. People just DON'T eat Ah Pehs.
You are saying that Ah peks need to travel and Durians don't.
Lets be irrelevant and assume that the durian needs to travel. But its banned from public transport coz its smelly. So what should the durian do, logically? Take a bath correct?? So the ah pek should do the same thing! Look. If you are a durian, its even worse! You have to bathe all the spikes and buy new sponges everytime! At least the Ah Peks can bathe normally, so why isn't he doing so?
You say that all Durians are smelly so it is easy to ban them.
Well all smelly ah peks are smelly too. DUH!
Alright they don't all look the same, but have a smell detector then!
You say that the smelly ah peks have feelings so it is mean to ban them.
Are you saying that it is ok to ban the Durian just coz it doesn't have feelings? That's rubbish! In the first place, how do you know that the Durian doesn't have feelings? Alright assuming it doesn't, doesn't the logic stand true to vegetables as well?
I'm not telling about kai lan vegetable here. I am talking about coma vegetables here.
If they don't have feelings, does it mean that we can use them as sex toys ala Kill Bill? No right?
And EVEN WORSE! If you think about it, we should punish the ah pek even MORE! This is because the Ah pek made a CHOICE to be smelly! Yes, he might not know that he is, but logically speaking, if you don't bathe for 10 days u possibly stink, DUH! (duh is word of the day)
Which brings me abruptly to another topic.
Rape.
I watched Irreversible (AGAIN) yesterday. See, lotsa people find the rape scene very disturbing but I found it actually slightly arousing (just v v slightly) at the beginning. Until she started to squeal like a stuck pig and when she got kicked in the face it is not funny anymore of course.
Now, why do I not find it utterly revolting?
One simple reason. Because the rapist is not very ugly. If it had been a pimply sweaty hairy old man raping her while making her lick his armpits, I would have been very traumatized.
So according to my warped logic, how unpleasant rape is is highly dependant on how grosteque the rapist is. So if you are a bangala (there's nothing wrong with my personal perception that they are grosteque so stop the racist thing. I just dun like their lewd stares.) and you rape someone, you ought of have your penis chopped off AFTER you are asked to rape the MsBlast inventor. But if you are Keanu Reeves, you should be paid for sharing your wonderful sperm so generously and can you please be so kind as to rape more often? Tour to Singapore? I pay?
I think its perfectly logical.
Alright you don't agree with me.
Maybe we shouldn't go to the extreme. Lets say that Keanu rapes your sister. Keanu goes to jail and yadda yadda usual punishments.
Bangala with lumpy penis rapes your sister. Bangala has aids from blood transfusion and he doesn't know he has aids. But point is that he has aids.
DON'T YOU THINK BANGALA SHOULD BE PUNISHED MORE??!
Duh!!
what makes eu think eu could?
|8:41 PM|